


I Can Hear You

by Hurricane2813



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Eventual Romance, Family Drama, M/M, Medical Trauma, Mild Language, Near Death Experiences, Psychological Trauma, Turtlecest (TMNT), Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-01-30 17:49:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21432250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hurricane2813/pseuds/Hurricane2813
Summary: Leonardo and Raphael are caught in the crossfires of a devastating disaster that costs the lives of thousands. Despite the odds, they not only survived what would have killed anybody else, but they came out of it reasonably fine? Was it a miracle from God or were they just lucky?All cause have an effect. The question is;whendoes this cause take effect?
Relationships: Leonardo/Raphael (TMNT)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 32





	1. Second Chances

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's probably irresponsible and idotic to start a new story when I'm still semi working on another, but this idea has been bugging me for a while (amongst others) and I've been ready to hear what people think of it, so here it is!

“What the hell just happened?” Raphael groaned in pain, immediately wanting to roll back into the sweet, blissful land of unconsciousness. There was a massive throbbing in his temple that he so badly wanted to massage but it didn’t seem worth the amount of effort it took just to lift his arm. So, as any simpleton would do, he continued to lay in suffering pain and tried to remember the last few moments of his life that landed him here in the first place.

“I was hoping _you_ could tell me that.” The familiar voice of his older brother, Leonardo, spoke from the darkness. So loud it felt like it was in his head.

“Leo?” Raph croaked feebly. His throat feeling like he swallowed saw dust. 

He attempted to crack open his eyelids. Managing to catch a brief glimpse of forest green skin and golden plastron before quickly shutting his eyes against the piercing light. He groaned, his head thumping against the pillow and sending another wave of pain down his spine.

“God, I feel like I got hit by a truck. Did I get hit by a truck?”

There was a weak, breathy laugh beside him. “I don’t know, but if you did, I think I got hit by that same truck.”

“Just my luck to survive a hit and run.” Raph grumbled, rolling his head to the side and blinking his eyes rapidly to capture a stop motion image of his brother sitting on a cot, body wrapped heavily in bandages. His head was buried in his hands and he appeared as much in pain as Raph felt.

“I can only remember bits and pieces, but I don’t think it was a hit and run.” Leo said.

Eventually, Raphael’s eyes adjusted to the lighting and he looked around to find they were in Donatello’s laboratory which can also serve as an infirmary for emergency cases such as these. Sitting up was a stupidly slow process but it proved to be an equally stupid decision as his head began spinning wildly at the change of elevation. 

“Ah, fuckin hell.” Raph swore, hanging his head between his legs as he waited for the nausea to pass.

Raph heard the smack of Leo’s mouth opening and he quickly lifted a finger to prevent whatever irritating words were about to fall out of him.

“I meant ‘friggin’, okay? I don’t feel good enough for another lesson on language from Holy Joe.”

When he finally looked up, he caught Leonardo staring at him with pity. Or maybe it was empathy. Who knows? Either way, it was extremely annoying having someone witness his misery. Even if that someone was family. 

“Will you quit looking at me like I’m handicapped? I just need a sec.”

Leo sighed and rolled his eyes, deciding to switch his attention to the far wall to keep things cordial. “Do you remember . . . going on patrol or maybe fighting Baxter Stockman?”

Raph paused for a minute to rummage through his memories. “. . . Vaguely. Yeah. I remember he was building something underground? Something big and life-threatening. You know, same ol’, same ol’.”

Leo slowly nodded. Like an Easter egg hunt, he was picking up missing memories one-by one and placing them in his subconscious basket. “Can you remember what it was?”

Raph shrugged, pressing a palm against his eye as if to suppress the stabbing going on behind it. “Mmm, I just remember it being big, round, and shiny. That’s about it.”

Leo scowled. “That’s all I got too.”

The pair exchanged little pieces of information they dug up to add to their very desolate story, only to both fall short around the most exciting moment of the plot.

“You think the others are alright?” Raph said after a moment of peeved silence.

Leo glanced at him, a brief flicker of his eyes to ward off any risks of pissing off his quick-tempered brother. He stroked his chin with his fingers, the only sign of anxiety that showed passed his stoicism. “Obviously, they can’t be too worse for wear if they managed to drag our shells all the way back home.”

“Unless they called for help.” Raph pointed out.

Leo nodded agreeably. “Yes, but if they were in as bad of shape as us, they would’ve been in cots next to us.”

Raph seemed to take comfort from Leo’s assurance but the truth of the matter was Leo had no idea how bad his other younger brothers were. He doubted whatever happened to him and Raph, Don and Mikey managed to escape completely unscathed from. 

As if on cue, the lab door suddenly swung open and in walked the two turtles of conversation.

Leo had been half right, anyway. Mikey hadn’t escaped the ordeal unscathed but was thankfully in far better shape than he and Raph were. Like them, though, Mikey had been mummified almost as heavily as they and one of his arms was confined in a sling. Still, he wore that carefree smile as if all was right with the world and it only brightened upon seeing his older brother’s awakening. Don, however, was surprisingly unharmed aside from a few purple bruises and adhesive band-aids. 

“Leo! Raph! Mi amigos are awake! Finally!” Mikey cheered, running up first to Leo and yanking him into a big bear hug that nearly had him crying out. He forced himself to keep quiet and return the hug, not having the heart to push Mikey away.

Raph received the same dreadful treatment but he hadn’t bothered holding back his protests as he tried to squirm his way out of his younger brothers’ vise-like grip. Mikey apparently found this amusing because he kept clinging on like a mosquito on tree sap.

Don, completely aware of the extent of their injuries, gave Leo a much gentler hug, which he appreciated. “I have to say, it’s about time. It was exhausting taking care of two comatose turtles.”

“Well, excuse us.” Leo snorted, amusingly. When Don pulled back from him, Leo gripped his biceps firmly to keep him still as his eyes examined his brothers’ suspiciously flawless body. “But I think I’m more interested in how you managed to not get hurt.”

“Right, you guys must have tons of questions.” Don chuckled.

“You have no idea, Brainiac.” Raph interjected. “So, start spillin.”

Don eyed his two older brothers curiously. “Before I do that, how much do you two remember?”

“Not much. We got as far as Stockman’s underground lab beneath a bookstore and after that it all gets pretty fuzzy.” Leo explained.

Don hummed. “That’s to be expected after the head trauma both of you experienced. Do you remember what he was building there?”

“It was something dangerous, like. . . a bomb, right?” Raph guessed.

Don rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, we initially thought it was a bomb, but it turns out it wasn’t a bomb.”

“Sooo. . . if it wasn’t a bomb, then what was it?” 

Don frowned unhappily as he said, “I. . . didn’t really have the time to analyze it before shit hit the fan, but my best guess is another mutant making machine. It was probably meant to discharge large amounts of mutagen throughout the city using nuclear projections. Hence the amount of radiation I found in the area.”

“I remember you were fiddling with it, Don. You were trying to deactivate it.” Leo said, growing apprehensive as things gradually came back to him. 

Don nodded, his face turning somber. “Yeah. I was treating it like a regular bomb, but its interior mechanics were set up entirely different. I didn’t notice it until after I accidentally kickstarted it. I tried to stop it, but . . .” 

Don stared at his hands that balled into trembling fists with self-hatred. Leo placed his own hand on his shoulder, a sign of encouragement. 

“I. . .” A deep breath. “I ended up short circuiting the systems that triggered a fission with the isotopes. . . which produced a chain reaction with the nucleus that resulted in a half a mile-wide explosion.” 

Silence fell amongst the lab as the two turtles processed this unexpected news. Michelangelo’s smile had disappeared. Walking over to his genius brother, Mikey wrapped an arm around him.

Leo opened his mouth to ask something else, closed it briefly, then opened it again like a fish out of water. Eventually, the words tumbled out of his throat. 

“And the mutagen?”

Don looked up at him, his eyes glassy and red. A look that he had probably been wearing since the incident. He licked his lips, sucked in another deep breath his teeth, trying to get control of his emotions before he answered, “It was everywhere . . . on the ground. In the air.”

“How many people?”

Don shook his head, lowering himself into a swivel chair before his wobbly knees could collapse from under him. “The radiation killed the majority of the effected before the mutagen could convert them. The death count so far is at 87,160 and the estimated injured are 56,970. T-The mutated ones are being hauled away to a government isolation compound in Nevada to be tested and treated. . . The uhm, the news keeps talking about a terrorists attack or a warning drop from an enemy country.”

“How the hell did we survive?” Raph asked, his face pale and sickly looking.

Don shook his head. “I have no idea. We found you both pinned under a huge pile of rubble with only a support beam keeping it from squashing you guys like pancakes. You had severe burns and several fractures, but you were somehow still breathing.”

“But the radiation and the mutagen. How are we not exposed?” Leo asked, looking down at himself as if he expected to suddenly start glowing or something.

“You were. You still are, actually. I had to craft a suit out of plastic and rubber before I could properly treat you.”

“Then why aren’t you in the suit now?” Leo fought to keep from shouting this seemingly obvious question.

“Because I decontaminated any external radioactive particles, which decreased your risk factor of having any internal damage.” Don explained, patiently. Feeling relieved that he could focus on the things he did know and could control. “As for the mutagen, I have no idea how it didn’t affect you. Both of you had been covered in the stuff. Mikey and I had to find a way to clean you off before we could carry you home.”

“How did you two get out of this mess so well? Especially you Donnie.” Raph scowled as he jabbed a finger at the purple masked turtle.

Donatello grimaced, the guilt returning. “Well, I could get all technical about the physics of forward momentum conservation but the short of it is, because of the pressure location, the explosion propelled forward, away from me, instead of everywhere like you would expect a regular nuclear bomb to do. I had been the closest behind it, so I didn’t get as effected. Mikey had been farther away, but he lucked out too. Most of his injuries was from the debris after the ground collapsed.”

“So, if Raph and I were exposed to the radiation, what are our chances of surviving? Shouldn’t we be, I don’t know. . . sick?” Leo asked. 

“In any logistics, yes, you two should be incredibly ill. You should be dying as we speak from how heavily contaminated you were.” Don said, shaking his head dubiously. He walked over to his desk, picked up a small stack of papers and began flipping through them. He handed them each the paperwork listing their health information. “But I’ve ran several blood tests and while my dosimeter stills measures a high level of dosage, I couldn’t find any abnormal changes in your DNA nor any drop counts of white blood cells.”

“So, what?” Raph muttered as he glanced up from the gibberish written on the paper and quirked a brow at his brother. “Are we fine? Is this going to give us cancer in ten years? Kill us in our sleep? Or are we going to start growing second heads?”

“Woah!” Mikey perked up. “Two heads? That would be sweet! Can you think two things at once? Imagine my video game scores.”

Don rolled his eyes, smacking the youngest with the papers he held. 

“Ow, what? I’m looking at the silver lining here!” 

“No, I highly doubt either of them are going to grow second heads and even if they did, it probably wouldn’t work. It would just be a clump of cells disconnected to the nervous system.” 

While this seemed to relieve both Raph and Leo, Mikey deflated into a disappointed pout. 

“And while radiation sickness is a quick process, it isn’t quick enough to kill you overnight. If it did, it would’ve already happened. However, I can’t say the same for the next ten years. While you both appear to be perfectly healthy now, there’s no telling how your bodies will react with time.”

“So, all we can do is just wait it out?” Leo frowned. 

“That and you can also take some of these medications I found in pharmacies that can treat symptoms.” Don opened a drawer in his desk and took out several white medication bottles. He handed a couple to his brothers.

“. . . Peg-fil-grastim?” Leo’s eyes narrowed in concentration as he slowly sounded out the complicated medical term. 

“It’s a glycoprotein that stimulates the growth of granulocytes in bone marrow and increase the production of white blood cells to help prevent subsequent infections.” Don explained.

“Potassium iodide?” Raph questioned, working off the child proof cap and shaking a couple of the fingernail sized white tablets into his palm. 

“Yes, it’s a nonradiative form of iodine that is essential for proper thyroid function. It helps block your thyroid from absorbing radioiodine, until eventually you urinate any lingering particles from your system. I’ve been treating you guys with the stuff since we got you back to the lair.” 

The two eldest exchanged a glance, clearly both feeling the same thing. Surreal was the best word for it. A numbness. A sense of misplacement, as if they were a kid’s toy stuck onto a grocery store shelf. They were supposed to have died. Like all those thousands of innocent people that fell victim to a crime they had failed to prevent. They should have just been another digit on the fatality rate. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, they had survived a disaster that would have killed anybody else. 

It wasn’t like cheating death was anything new to the brothers, afterall, their entire existence defied logic, but this time felt so different. Like they’ve been given a gift they didn’t deserve. What were they supposed to do with it? How could they not waste it?

“I also want to do daily blood tests and transfusions. I want to keep a close eye on the two of you. At least for the next few months to see how your bodies are reacting.” Donnie continued, unaware of their existential crisis. 

“Other than that?” Leo said.

Don looked at them and smiled. “You two should be good to go. Just take it easy. Your wounds are still healing, and I don’t suggest training for another two weeks.”

Raph frowned, while this was beyond doubt great news, it somehow felt like a very . . . anticlimactic ending to a dramatic story. Of course, they had long way before things will return back to ‘normal,’ it still felt like it was too good to be true. Too easy. 

Every cause had an effect, right? Every thought, behavior, and action created specific ‘effects’ that makes up your life. Some really old Greek guy said that, that much Raph remembered from one of Donnie’s science books Splinter made them read as a form of ‘education’. So, other than thousands of people dying or mutating from an accidental explosion, what was the effect of being exposed to high concentrations of radiation and mutagen?

Perhaps, he was being too practical. Perhaps, he should accept this as the miracle that it was instead of questioning fates decision. 

But he couldn’t.

Raphael had dragged himself out of too many battles to just base this all on luck. He didn’t believe in luck. Every action had a consequence. Every question had an answer. Every rhyme had a reason. That was how the world worked. If they placed all their belief on luck, then who’s to say the Earth wouldn’t stop turning? Or the atmosphere suddenly disappears? Or the sun burns out because it was just that unlucky day?

Raph survived for as long as he did not on miracles or luck, but because of skill taught to him since his childhood. Not that his skills had anything to do with surviving an explosion. 

So, the question was not ‘if’ the radiation was going to affect them, but rather; when.

“I agree.” Leo said, snapping Raph out of his thoughts. He blinked, disorientated, wondering if he had accidentally said all of that out loud.

“What?” 

Leo looked at him. “Donnie was suggesting we should try some forms of physical therapy to build us back up to our regular training.”

“I have some dvd’s that I ordered from the library that you can try out.” Don said, showing off a couple of cases with a smiling woman wearing a pink yoga outfit that sat in a chair and pumped 2lb dumbbells on the cover. 

Raph sneered at the cases disdainfully but took them anyway. Before this whole ordeal, he could bench press easily 250lb. Just the thought of being resorted to a measly 2lb was not just laughable but pathetic. 

“It’s not permanent, Raph.” Leo replied again, as if he had heard his thoughts. Of course, it was obvious from his pouting how he was feeling.

“How long is healing going to take?” Raph asked Don.

Don stopped to think for a moment before answering, “Well, it takes an average human to recover from a fracture about six to eight weeks.”

Raph scoffed. “It might as well be permanent.”

“Well, with our mutated immune system it can speed up the process to about four to five weeks. You’ve both been out for about three weeks now, so if you take proper care of yourself you both should be back to your usual training routines after about three weeks. Assuming the radiation doesn’t interfere with that.”

Raph grunted unhappily at this but decided that was the best he was going to get. Afterall, it could always be worse.

Mikey grinned at his hot-headed brother, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Don’t worry, bro. If ever you need anything. A hot bath. Your food cut. A foot massage. Anything at all. You can count on me.” 

Raph scowled. “You can start by quit hanging off my damn shoulders.”

Mikey yanked his arm back, looking like a puppy who knew he had peed on the carpet when he shouldn’t have. “Oops, sorry Raphie! Let me get you an ice pack. Don says ice packs work great for pain!”

Leo and Don smiled endearingly as their youngest sped out of the lab to raid the freezer. 

“Come on, Raph. He just wants to help.” Leo nudged his brother with his elbow, playfully. Being careful to avoid all the bandages. 

_“He’s probably scared that we almost died.”_

Raph could have sworn Leo said but his voice was too faint to tell. Still, he heard him well enough for guilt to gnaw at his chest. Quickly, he shook it off and shoved Leo away so he could swing his legs over the side of the bed. Squeezing his eyes shut as he bit back a cry of pain as he did so. 

“Easy, Raph. Don’t go too fast. Your body hasn’t moved for three weeks.” Don reminded him, stepping closer to help him out. Raph stopped him by raising a hand.

“I got it.” He muttered. Clutching the side of the cot, he took a couple of deep breaths and slowly eased himself off the bed, his toes feeling tingly as they touched the cool concrete ground. His knees wobbled a bit, his two siblings hovering around him like annoying gnats as if he was going to drop dead any second. Gritting his teeth, he pushed himself upright using the cot, then Don’s desk, then the wall.

Mikey came bouncing back in, holding an instant ice pack in his hand. He beamed as he noticed Raph was standing now too. “Aw man! Did I miss Raphie-boy take his first steps?”

Raph growled. “You’re lucky I’m too crippled to go beat your ass, Mike.” 

Ignoring the threat, Mikey pumped his fists in the air. “This calls for a celebratory pizza for another victory!”

“Actually, Mike.” Don interrupted. “We should probably do a rain check on the pizza. Raph and Leo should stick to blander foods for the next couple of days and see how their bodies take to it.”

Leo shrugged unenthusiastically. “Whatever you think is best, Don.”

Raph rolled his eyes, unsurprised that even pizza had been taken off his list of enjoyments. What was the point of a second chance at life if you couldn’t even have fun?

Mikey’s arms swung limply to his sides, his shoulders slumping as if they had gained another five pounds. “Man, that sucks. Well, can Don and I have pizza then? I’d say we deserve the reward after taking care of your irradiated butts for weeks.”

Don frowned uncertainly. “Uh, maybe we shouldn’t, Mike. . .”

“It’s okay, Don.” Leo interrupted. “You two should have what you want. No reason you must eat the same things as us if it’s not necessary. Raph and I can handle our own meals.”

“Speak for yourself, Leo.” Raph scoffed and shuffled his way out the lab door towards the kitchen.

Leo rolled his eyes before following him out. Don and Mikey watched them go with a sense of foreboding awe. For the weeks they’ve been waiting for their brothers to awaken, they had been certain things would change. That their brothers would be debilitated for the rest of their lives or at least years. They had prepared themselves for the grief and hardships of having to take care of them as they struggled through the slow and painful recovering process. Or even face the horrible fate of them defeated by the illness.

Yet, here they were, walking and talking as if nothing bad had happened. As if they hadn’t been in a coma just an hour ago.

It was a miracle. 

It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the first chapter is kind of dark but I promise you that I put that comedy tag up there for a reason. Humor _will_ come. I got the general idea worked out but the little details I've been kind of winging it, so lets see how much of this thing I can get done without writing myself into a corner! XD
> 
> Also, all those little scientific and medical facts _are_ true as far as my peewee brain is concerned. I've spent more hours researching stuff for this than I ever had for a school essay! `FYI If the next chapter doesn't come out, it means the FBI has got me! LOL!`


	2. A Hard Day's Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: Some badder language in this chapter (because, you know, grief.) and possible triggering psychological trauma subjects.**

_The underground, bunker-like hallway was cold and dim. Illuminated only by the cheap industrial fluorescent lighting that flickered weakly every few seconds. Along the walls hung bunches of thick, black jacketed cables and lines that led through the wall into the next room at the end of the hall. _

_ He was running. The sound of his feet slapping on concrete echoing loudly off the walls._

_ His heart was pounding against his ribcage and sweat made his body feel cold and sticky. He was panicking because something was following him. He could hear them. The mechanical hum. The clanging of metal. Their ear-piercing screech. _

_ His brothers were with him too. Running up ahead of him, glancing back occasionally and their eyes widening with panic before jerking their heads forward again._

_It felt like they were on a treadmill. The end of the hallway in sight but never coming close to it. It didn’t stop them from running though, because if they stopped, they were dead. So, they kept running for what felt like hours and never tired. _

_ Then, at once, he was at the door, banging on it with his fists, screaming for it to open, but it wouldn’t budge, as if the seams were welded shut. _

_ He spun around and withdrew his weapons, preparing to defend himself in a battle he knew he wouldn’t survive from. Even so, he had never been the type to give up. His brothers were mysteriously gone, which he thought should have been concerning if he hadn’t been distracted by a wall of beady, red eyes staring at him from the darkness. The lights above flickered on and there they were. Individually, they looked like shiny, metal marbles but when there were hundreds of them, like now, it was a sea of liquid silver. Pulsating and moving like they were one singular being. Their jaws snapped at him with a clang. Their teeth designed to take a chunk out of anything unfortunate to get between them._

_ He tried fighting them off, but there were too many of them. They surrounded him and attacked together like a pack of wolves. Their movements in sync as if they could communicate with one another. Searching for his blind spots. Learning his movements and evading them. Finding his weaknesses and exploiting them. _

_ Then, when he was certain he had lost, there was a loud, rhythmic, shriek. Like a fire alarm. The starch, white fluorescents turning off and replaced by orange emergency lights that flashed on and off like a strobe in a club. Quickly, the swarm dispersed like rats. Vanishing into spaces he hadn’t known were there._

_ He was panting and shaking, his weapons slipping from his grip to clatter against the ground. He was bloody and in pain, but he somehow knew this wasn’t the end of the journey. _

_ From beyond the door behind him, he could hear his voice and the voices of his brothers._

_ “Donnie, you have it yet? Don’t know how much longer we can hold these things off!”_

_ Leonardo’s voice._

_ “I think. . . I almost got it. Mikey, help me!”_

_ Donatello’s voice._

_ “Coming, bro!” _

_ Michelangelo’s voice. There was a brief pause that was filled with crashes and clangs and yells. Followed by a sickening crack. Then the youngest of the four brothers screamed._

_ “MIKEY!”_

_ Raphael’s voice._

_ He pushed against the door, swinging open easily as if it had never been locked, and walked into a room filled with chaos._

_ “No. . .” Don’s voice whispered. Then, “No. No! NO!”_

_ “Don, what happened?” Mikey asked. _

_ “EVERYONE GET DOWN! IT’S GOING TO—”_

_ It happened in frames. Like a person scrolling through security feeds in search of culprits. Underneath a giant metal machine was a small white dot that slowly grew and grew in size in each frame until the piercing white light swallowed the world._

_ It felt like he got hit by a giant wave in the ocean. His body launching into the air as easily as a child flinging a ragdoll. _

_ It was hot. No. Scalding. Like he was on fire, his flesh melting off his bones, and the noise so loud it felt like ice picks had been plunged into his ears._

_ He never felt himself land._

. . .

Leonardo awoke with a panicked gasp, the air clogging in his throat, his chest spasming as it fought for oxygen. His limbs flailed wildly as he felt the pressure of fallen debris on top of him.

_No. That can’t be right._ He thought. _It’s too light to be debris._

Hyperventilating, Leo searched his darkened surroundings, desperate for something familiar, and briefly wondering if he had gone blind from the explosion. That was, until he noticed a set of blue numbers glowing from beside him. They read; 4:16 AM. Hesitantly, Leo reached out. His fingers touching the cool plastic that encompassed the numbers. Sliding down the edge of the clock, he felt the wood of a nightstand. His fingers glided over the surface until he bumped against the metal of a lamp. He felt his way up the base of it, eventually finding the little switch poking out and twisted it. His heart leapt in his chest as the light flashed on.

Leo stared dumbly at his bedroom, trying to remember how he got from point A to point B. Eventually, yesterday returned to him like a cherished, childhood memory. Hands shaking, Leo frantically scrubbed away the tears still actively running down his face. His breathing had calmed somewhat. Dragging out of him in trembling hiccups. 

Falling back onto his bed, Leo stared up at the cracked brick ceiling above him and tried to remember his father’s calming meditation exercises. After a while, his heavy, exhausted eyes drifted closed, but he never fell asleep.

Eventually, Leo gave up all together on trying and rolled out of bed. His limbs heavy from the adrenaline rush as he forced himself to stand and walk out of his room, not bothering to put on his gear just yet. 

The lair was dark and silent save for the small, blinking light on the cable and wi-fi boxes on the television stand and the distant sound of sewer water dripping from pipes. He walked past his brothers' rooms and down the stairs, into the living room, nearly stepping on a little ball of orange fur crawling around on the ground.

“Really, Klunk?” Leo whispered irritably at the cat Mikey had found on a night run during Christmas Eve. “I thought I told Mikey to keep you in his room.”

Moving the cat out of his way with his foot, Leo continued into the kitchen where he found a glass in the dishwasher still filled with cleaned dishes that hadn’t been put away yet. He filled it with tap water and chugged it down in three gulps as if taking a shot of whiskey, choking as he felt something soft brush against the back of his opposite hand.

Leo coughed, lowering his glass to glare at the vague, feline shape sitting on the countertop. 

“What are you doing? You know you’re not supposed to be on the counter.” Leo paused to the rethink that statement. “Or, I suppose you wouldn’t if your owner allows you to when no one is in here.”

Shaking his head, Leo scooped up Klunk and set him on the tiles.

“Now, you stay there where you belong, okay?” Leo commanded, firmly. Pointing at the floor. When he was satisfied the cat would not move, he turned back to the sink to refill his glass. Swallowing this one down slower to avoid choking again, which he was glad he did when that furriness returned to nuzzle at his hand.

“You’re just as bad at following orders as your owner.” Leo scowled at the cat, reaching to pick him up again, only for Klunk to flip over on his back and latch onto his hand with his needle like claws. 

Hissing at the stinging pain, Leo yanked back his hand and shook it in the air. Glaring angrily at the animal who climbed back to his feet and stared at him with a look of indifference.

“Shoo,” He whispered-yelled at him, waving his hands away at the cat. “Go. Go on. Find a rat or roll in your litter box or something. I don’t care. Just go away.”

Finally growing bored of the situation, Klunk hopped off the counter, his paws as silent as a ninja’s as he moseyed out the room. Leo huffed, deciding he needed to have another talk with Mikey about keeping an eye on his furry friend if he wanted to continue keeping him.

It wasn’t that he hated the cat. Leo found Klunk just as cute as everyone else and he wasn’t about to toss him back in the cold, no matter how deserving of it he may be. It was just that the thing was so damn annoying! It was like having a fourth little brother running around! Always wanting attention at the most inconvenient times, like when he was training or meditating. Always knocking things off the shelves. Always biting him when he walked past him on the staircase and nearly making him break his neck. Always peeing in his gear when he was in the shower. Always getting fur on his bed right after changing it. In conclusion, Leo saw no appeal in having cats as companions if you had a choice in the matter.

Leo set his glass in the sink to be washed later and turned to leave when he noticed a certain someone sitting on the dining table, staring at him with green eyes that reflected off the stoves glowing clock. Making them look like a couple of opal gemstones. Leo stared back at them, trying his best to look intimidating, but the cat was unmoved.

“Okay, okay. Fine. You win.” Leo sighed in defeat and plopped down on a chair, his hand resting atop the table, inches from Klunk’s swishing tail. Leo tapped his fingers against the wood and the cat’s eyes darted to them attentively, ears perked, body stiff.

Mouth quirking, Leo slowly crawled his hand closer to the tail and Klunk quickly flicked it out of the way, his body hunkering down into the attack position. Leo stilled. Twitched a finger. Klunk twitched as well. Then, Leo’s hand attacked and Klunk pounced, the two of them wrestling for dominance on the tabletop. Eventually, the scratching and biting got to be too much for Leo, and he wrenched his hand out of the fray.

The turtle squinted but he couldn’t see the amount of damage that was done in this darkness, so he tucked that one in his lap beneath the table and pulled the other one out. Lifting it to Klunk who sniffed it curiously before pressing the top of his head to the back of his hand, his whole body vibrating with contentedness. 

Leo couldn’t help but chuckle, rubbing a knuckle into the softness of Klunk’s cheek. “Alright, I admit, there’s _some_ appeal to owning a cat. Not a lot, but some. That doesn’t make us friend though, okay? So, don’t go getting any ideas, you hear me? I still don’t like you.”

The cat continued purring in response. Curling in a ball beneath his hand as he gently stroked from the top of his head down to the base of his tail.

. . .

Leonardo was heading back to bed in hopes of catching another hour of sleep before training, when he spotted a light shining from beneath the door to Donatello’s laboratory as he cut through the living room. This was nothing unusual. Donnie had a bad habit of staying up late to work on projects of his, despite Leo personally seeing him to bed himself last night. Not that that stopped the workaholic from sneaking out once everyone was asleep.

Leo sighed, walking over to the door. He placed his hand on the doorknob but hadn’t the chance to open it when he heard Raphael’s voice conversing with Don inside. Curious, Leo leaned into the door to better pick up the words being said.

“. . . except I don’t remember what those details were. Just that I know I’ve seen those details. Does that make sense?” Raph explained, his tone sounding like he wanted to be upset but was holding the emotions back, just as Raph liked to do.

Donnie’s voice responded with calm indifference, just as he knew he needed it to be when talking with Raph. Raphael was the type that liked to shut personal things in if anyone appeared to be too interested. He believed if you didn’t care, you won’t bother telling anyone else about it. So, when one of the brothers ever had a heart-to-heart with him, they generally tried to act in a similar manner.

“Yes, it makes sense and yes, it’s perfectly normal to be experiencing these nightmares after the trauma you suffered, Raph. No doubt both you and Leo are going to be suffering from PTSD for a while.” 

“PTSD?”

“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Don clarified. 

“Is there any way to stop it?”

“If you’re asking if there is a cure. No, there is not or I would have already given it to you. However, I do have some methods that can aid you. Nightlights often help people who have trouble sleeping because of nightmares.”

“Seriously, Don? What am I, five?”

Don chuckled. “No, of course not.”

Raph huffed. “We’ll save that for a last resort. Is there anything else I can try?”

Don hummed. “Well, you can try to do some of your physical therapy before you go to bed. It can tire you out enough to help fall asleep quickly. Or soak in a bath to relax you. Also, you can take brief naps during the day whenever you’re feeling sleepy. And if possible, try to avoid things that make you feel stressed.”

“Great, so avoid Mikey is basically what you’re saying.” Raph said amusingly.  
Don laughed. “I suppose I can find little things for him to do to keep him distracted if you want.”

“Thanks, Donnie.”

. . .

Smiling, Leonardo decided to leave his brothers to it and turned to walk back the way he came, thinking he could talk to Splinter in the morning about allowing them an extra hour before training. He stopped though when he heard the squeak of a doorhinge behind him and a rectangle of orange light was cast against the wall in front of him, blocked by his own shadow.

Leo glanced behind him to find Raph walking out of the lab. He didn’t look surprised to see him standing in the center of the living room. 

“Morning, Leo.” Raph said. “Don wants to talk to ya.”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

Raph shrugged. “You didn’t. I was heading out anyway.” His eyes scaled up and down Leo’s body. “You feeling alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just having a bit of trouble sleeping. We’ve been in a coma for three weeks after all. You wouldn’t think we would need more sleep.” Leo joked, keeping the mood light.

Raph smirked. “Yeah, you wouldn’t think so.” 

His brother stretched and yawned. “Welp, I’m going to try to get some more shut eye before training. Hopefully Don doesn’t keep you for too long.”

Leo nodded. “You don’t have to worry about training. I’m going to ask Splinter for an extra hour.” 

Raph smiled at this. “Sweet. In that case, night, fearless.”

“Goodnight, Raph.” Leo returned, Raph patting his shoulder affectionately as he shuffled past him. Leo watched him stomp, heavy-footed, up the stairs until his shell disappeared into his bedroom before Leo did a 180 back to Don's lab.

The owner was perched on a swivel chair, tapping away at his desktop keyboard. He didn’t glance at him, instead pointing to a stool beside him. Leo moved to sit, smirking over the irony that only in Don’s lab did the leader get ordered around by his teammate. He waited for him to finish. Curiously craning his neck to glimpse at what Don was working on on the monitors screen and saw a large array of numbers and letter being typed out that Leo could only guess were programming codes. He remembered Don rambling about something sciency at the kitchen table, but for the life of him he couldn’t recall what it was for.

After several long, silent minutes past save for the clacking of the keys, Don leaned back in his chair, his chin pinched between his thumb and forefinger as he considered his work. Finally, he nodded in satisfaction, closed out the window, and slid his chair over to the corner of the room where he picked up some large metal cube that had been sitting on a high stack of textbooks. He yanked out a cord that connected it to the computer and fiddled with some buttons at the back before two dots, like eyes, lit up.

Don grinned excitedly at this as he scooted his chair back to Leo and offered the object to him. To Leo’s surprise, the cube had a turtle like resemblance to it with a strip of yellow painted around the LED eyes.

“Leo, meet Metalhead. Or, you know. . . the head of Metalhead.” Don shrugged sheepishly.

“That’s neat, Donnie, but. . . what’s he for?” Leo asked, taking the head for closer examination and gasping in surprise at the weight of it. Quickly, he set it on the table before he ended up tearing his spleen again.

“Well. . . without the proper attire, there’s no safe way for us to help the victims of the explosion without exposing ourselves again. So, I came up with the idea of designing a robot with a special AI program that can detect people’s heat signatures through thick concrete and metal rubble using a thermal imaging camera. Except for a few glitches in its problem-solving program, everything’s been going smoothly. All I need to do now is iron out those wrinkles and finish constructing his body and he should be able to find and rescue anybody that’s still buried. Even those in extremely hard to reach spaces.” Don explained, patting the head proudly. 

Leo frowned, ignoring the sharp dagger of pain in his abdomen as he leaned closer to his younger brother, elbows on his knees, hands clasped. The excitement quickly drained from Don’s face as he realized what he was doing. He was scrutinizing him. Also, making him incredibly uncomfortable because he knew he wasn’t nearly as good at hiding his emotions as Leo or even Raph was.

Leo sighed, reaching out to grasp his trembling hand. “It’s been killing you, hasn’t it?”

“It. . .” Don swallowed, trying to look at anything but Leo. “I-It was all my fault. . .”

Leo was shaking his head before the sentence could finish forming. “It wasn’t, Don.”

Don ignored him. “I-I should have noticed. T-The system. . . it was entirely different. I mean, any dimwit with half a brain would have noticed!” 

Leo squeezed his brothers’ hand harder. “Don, look at me. Don’t do that to yourself. It wasn’t your fault. There was too much going on. Too much pressure. Anybody could’ve made that mistake.”

Like a bridge waiting to collapse, Don crumpled in on himself. A little sob escaping his lips as his free hand covered his eyes. His whole body shook with his grief. Leo slid himself off the stool and pulled his little brother into his arms. 

“So many people, Leo. . . So many families died or became mutated because of me. I’ve ruined _so_ many lives. Their blood is on my hands, Leo. FUCK! And I didn’t even get HURT in the process! It’s so unFUCKING FAIR!” Don shouted in anger, squeezing Leo so hard that he had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from crying out at the pain that exploded through his body. He didn’t care though. His little brother needed him more and he wasn’t about to let a few bruised ribs stop him being there for him. Knowing Don, he hadn’t allowed himself to grieve for the entire time that he and Raph were out cold.

“If you had been hurt, then who would have gotten us out, huh? Who would have nursed us back to health? Who would be inventing a cool rescue robot to save people?” Leo said, softly. 

Don only shook his head though. “I wouldn’t _need_ to invent a rescue robot if it hadn’t been for me!”

Never did Leo wish for his brothers to experience the hardships of being responsible over the wellbeing’s of others as he did for them. It was a burden that both frightened and exhausted you every day of your life.

After a while, Leo gave up on trying to talk to Don and just sat there, quietly listening to his countless apologies to the world and berates to himself while gently rocking him like a child.

Don’s screensaver had popped up a while ago on his computer, so Leo nudged the mouse a little to wake it back up so he could see the time. An hour had past now since his genius brother had calmed, now laying against him in an exhausted lump. Leo assumed he had fallen asleep until Don suddenly sat up, wiping his wet cheeks with an arm and smiling embarrassingly up at him.

“Sorry about that.” He muttered. “I didn’t call you in here just to blubber all over you.”

Leo shook his head. “I don’t care what time it is, Don. Or what I’m doing. If you ever need to blubber you come blubber to me, okay? I refuse to allow you to rot in your own guilt. You, as our unofficial physician, should know how that never helps anybody.”

Don nodded, chuckling awkwardly. “I know, I know. Mikey told me the same thing just the other day. I’m just. . . used to fixing things myself, you know?”

Leo smiled a little. “Oh, believe me. I know.”

Don sighed, scrubbing his face with his hands and slapping his cheeks to regain back his composure. “Anyway, I originally called you in here to give you another transfusion and a sample while you were up.”

Leo frowned at this. “How did you know I was up?” 

He didn’t think he had been that loud.

“Well, technically, _I_ didn’t know. Raph did.” Don clarified as he got up to retrieve his equipment required for the procedure. 

Leo frowned farther. “How did Raph know?”

Don shrugged. “Ninja senses, I guess. I don’t know, I didn’t ask.”

Why this concerned Leo, he wasn’t sure, but it felt strange enough that it occupied his mind for the duration of the time it took for Don to position his arm with his palm facing up as it usually was for transfusions, poke the needle into the vein, and begin pumping his non-contaminated blood they’d collected some years ago, back into him. Meanwhile, Don checked his vitals and peered into the eyepieces of a microscope where a drop of his blood was placed on a glass slide beneath the lens, then compared the results with the previous ones.

Then, all at once, the needle was out of Leo’s arm, a bandage placed overtop the puncture sight, and Don back in his seat, completely engaged with his computer screen again as if the last hour hadn’t happened at all.

“All done! Thanks for your patience, Leo. I suggest you get some rest now before training starts in an hour.” Don said. 

Slowly, Leo rose from the stool, fingering the bandage that often made his inner elbow itchy. “Thanks, Don. Also, you don’t have to worry about training. I’m going to ask Splinter to give us an extra hour.”

“Cool, thanks Leo and don’t worry. I’m going to bed too in a minute.” Don assured him.

Leo nodded and turned to leave, freezing at the doorway as another thought occurred. He looked back at Don who was no longer paying him the least bit of attention and said, “Hey, Don?”

“Yeah?” He replied, distractedly.

“Are you sure Raph and I are okay? I mean I _feel_ okay, but if you’ve seen anything suspicious, anything at all—”

“Have I ever sugar coated anything for you guys?” Don’s voice lowered. This time turning to meet his gaze with a hard look.

Leo smirked. “No, you haven’t. Not even when you should’ve.”

Don quirked a brow. “You guys deserve the truth and the truth is you two are a couple of lucky bastards. I have no idea how or why, but I’m too grateful to question it.”

“And I’m not.” Leo assured him. “But. . . . I mean, I guess, it’s just hard for me to believe that there weren’t any repercussions.”

Don nodded in understanding. “Hence the tests and the transfusions. I don’t quite believe it myself either, but I swear to you Leo, if there are any concerning changes in your results, I won’t hesitate to inform you guys.”

Leo smiled. “Thanks again, Donnie.”

“Goodnight, Leo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! So, I had written this chapter in like, half a day, right? But then, I thought of a scene I wanted to put in it, so I rewrote the whole chapter just to snuggly fit that one scene in. (Also, drastically changing the dream sequence which sounded kind of boring the first time.) THEN, when I went to post it, it took me **3 hours** because I had to meticulously edit every dang sentence because it sounded so jumbled and clumsy. (And to make it worse, I stubbed my toe really bad and it hurts _so_ much!) So, **hopefully**, third time _is_ a charm, and it sounds smooth and with less grammatical errors. 
> 
> Also, sorry, another sad scene but I'm sure Donnie needed the release. Things will lighten up soon!


	3. What He Doesn't Know Can't Hurt Him

Leonardo wasn’t usually a coffee drinker. 

The bitterness of the black beans, even with the mixture of milk and sugar, often left a nasty aftertaste on his tongue. Although, he wasn’t beyond drinking it if the situation calls for it and right now, the situation was calling for it as Leo scowled down at the empty tea box. 

Tossing the box into the trash can, Leo stretched up on his tip toes to rummage farther into the cabinet. Spices and seasonings clanking together as he shoved them aside in hopes they were hiding another unused box of tea. No such luck.

Leo sighed in disappointment, moving everything back to where they were before Mikey throws another hissy fit over the disorganization. After leaving Don’s lab around 5:30 in the morning, Leo had tried and failed to fall back to sleep. His thoughts too riled with memories of his nightmares to fully relax, so he had continued to stay up and read one of his books.

Now, the clock on the stove read 8:24 AM, and his body finally decided it was ready for sleep. Splinter had agreed to allow them the extra hour, so Leo felt it wouldn’t be right for him to skip their usual morning training. Besides, it was important to keep up a routine instead of procrastinating when recovering from trauma, right?

_“It’s also important to get sleep, too.”_ Leo grumbled, his eyes fluttering to Don’s coffee maker. A pot had been made but already half of the black liquid was gone. 

“I couldn’t agree more.”

Leo jumped in surprise at Raphael’s voice, rough from sleep. Or lack thereof judging by the bags under his eyes. He must not have been able to go back to sleep either after leaving Don’s lab.

“What?” Raph cocked his head in a confused, adorable kind of way.

“Did you hear me?”

Raph slowly blinked at him as if it were a struggle just to move his eyelids. “Uh. . . yeah? Clear as day. You feelin okay, fearless?”

Leo pinched the space between his eyes. He must be more sleep deprived then he thought if he was blabbering his thoughts out loud willy nilly. He really needed to be more careful with that. Especially with certain _other_ dangerous thoughts that occasionally liked to flitter around in his head. 

Raph snapped his fingers in front of Leo’s face, startling him.

“Woah, wake up, Leo. You fallin asleep in the kitchen.” 

Leo shook himself quickly of his sluggishness and turned around to grab a mug from the cabinet. He tried to keep his arms steady as he poured himself coffee.

“Having the same problems?” Raph asked, opening up the refrigerator and grabbing a half gallon of orange juice.

“With what?” Leo asked, taking a glass from the cabinet and sliding it across the countertop to Raph’s waiting hand. 

Raph side-eyed him as he filled his glass and returned the jug into the fridge. “Geez, you must be tired. . . are you having nightmares too?”

Leo frowned, his eyes staring into the dark abyss that was his morning beverage, muttering a quiet thanks as Raph slid him the powdered creamer and sugar. 

“I guess I am. I don’t remember them that well, but I keep waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.” Leo said, taking a spoon from the silverware drawer and slowly adding the fixings until it became ‘drinkable’ for him.

Raph nodded, picking up his glass and chugging down half of the juice in one gulp. “Yeah, me too.”

Leo sighed. “Who would’ve thought after years of fighting Shredder, aliens, demons. . .”

“Mad scientists, mutants, government agents, robots. . .” Raph continued.

“Etc. Etc.” The corner of Leo’s mouth twitched in amusement. “Who could’ve known that a bomb explosion would be what traumatized us?”

Raph snorted. “Well, to be fair, we’ve been dealing with a lot of this shit one after another. Only now have things quieted down enough for us to think back on it.”

“So, you’re saying this latest disaster is just the straw that broke the camel’s back?” Leo asked, leaning his shell against the edge of the counter and cradling his warm mug in his hands. He blew gently across its surface. “Or in this case, ‘turtle’s shell’?”

“Exactly.”

Leo hummed thoughtfully as he took a sip, cringed a little at the flavor and forced himself to swallow it down. Raph chuckled amusingly as he watched. 

“Don and Mikey are heading out today to grab supplies. I’ll tell them to pick up a box of tea for you, so you don’t have to torture yourself like this again.”

“Can you believe Donnie drinks this stuff black?” Leo shook his head, dumbstruck by this fact.

Raph smirked. “Well, you know what they say about black coffee drinkers.”

Leo glanced at him quizzically. “What?”

“They tend to possess psychopathic personality traits.”

Leo burst out laughing, sloshing a little of his drink on his hands. Just then, the two youngest lumbered into the kitchen, groaning like a couple of zombies. 

“Well, good morning to you too.” Mikey muttered between a yawn. His knuckles rubbing his eyelid. Cradled in his other arm was a little ball of orange fluff Mikey named, ‘Klunk’. “What’s got you two in such a good mood?”

“Whatever it is, I want it.” Don said, carrying his empty mug over to the coffee maker and finishing the rest of it off before he started brewing another batch. 

“Nothing, Donnie, just talking.” Leo said, still giggling as he set aside his cup and washed his hands off in the sink.

_“Yep, all we ever do is talk.”_ Raph grumbled in his ear. Leo blinked and raised his head to look at him, but when he did, Raph was already walking out of the kitchen.

_Strange._ Leo thought, but still impressive considering Raph’s condition. He shouldn’t be able to move so quickly just yet. His mind thought back to the words he had said. 

All they ever did was talk?

_What does **that** mean?_ Shouldn’t that be a good thing opposed to fighting? If not, what else did he want to do?

This puzzled Leo for a while until he was distracted by the glass, half filled with orange juice Raph had left behind. Leo sighed and grabbed for it, deciding to finish it off himself since he didn’t want to waste it. Gagging at the flavor that mixed with the lingering coffee in his mouth. 

_God, that tastes awful! _

He decided to pour the rest out into the sink.

. . .

Leaving his brothers behind in the kitchen with the promise of meeting up for training in five, Leonardo headed to the dojo, carrying two chairs for himself and Raph they would need for their therapy exercises. Unsurprised to find Raphael already in there and lo and behold, pummeling his punching bag in spite of Donnie’s specific orders not to. 

Sighing, Leo decided not to stop him this time, not only because he didn’t feel in the mood to argue with him about it but also because it had been a week since they awoken from their coma and they have yet to suffer even a single cough. He was trusting Raph to know his bodies limits and not to take it too far. 

Leo moved to the other side of the dojo, out of the way to where Donnie and Mikey would be training and set down the chairs silently on the tatami mats. Raph didn’t pay him any attention or he hadn’t noticed him yet as Leo plopped himself down on one of the chairs and began to stretch. Thinking back to last night and how Raph suddenly knew he was outside Don’s lab without making a sound. 

Leo couldn’t help glancing up at his brother, still minding his own business, and appreciating the way Raph’s muscles rippled and tightened beneath his glistening skin every time he struck the defenseless bag. It was always impressive to Leo how Raph managed to achieve such a physique before any of them without even trying. On some days, Leo couldn’t help feeling a little jealous over this feat. On others, Leo couldn’t find it in himself to complain.

Leo felt his stomach tighten and his breathing quicken, not from his warmups as he would like to believe, but from something else he usually kept repressed. This time, however, he allowed himself to indulge in a craving he would feel ashamed for later.

He licked his lips, eyes chasing a bead of sweat that slid inch by inch down the length of Raphael’s perfectly sculpted thigh, down to his calf, and disappearing off his ankle. 

_“Damn him, why does he have to look this good.”_

The moment didn’t last however, as Raph’s next punch unexpectedly missed its target. The 100 lb bag swinging back uninterrupted straight into his snout. Like a cartoon, Raph flung backwards onto his shell, his hands flying up to cup his nose.

Leonardo stood up immediately, nearly knocking his chair over as he rushed to his brother’s side. “Geez, Raph! You okay?”

“Fucking hell!” Raph swore into his hands, rocking back and forth on his shell in pain. “Damn, that fucking hurt!”

Leo pursed his lips at Raph’s potty mouth, grabbing him by his shoulders and slowly lifting him up into a sitting position. Gently taking his wrists, he coaxed him to let go long enough for him to see the damage. Blood was flowing excessively from his nostrils and already a bruise was beginning to take place on his cheeks and around his eyes. 

“Hmm, probably looks worse than it actually is. It doesn’t look broken, but I’d still check in with Donnie, just in case. You’re gonna need an ice pack too.” Leo said, softly. 

Raph tried for a dry look despite breathing heavily through his mouth and blinking back tears that sprung in his eyes. “Thanks doctor Leo, your prognosis is greatly appreciated.”

Leo snorted, tossing away Raph’s wrists. “Well, if you’re going to be like that, I hope it breaks next time.”

“And ruin this pretty face?” Raph scoffed. “Let’s be real here, Leo. Neither of us would want that.”

Leo laughed, although he couldn’t deny that a broken nose would reduce all that much from his brother’s attractiveness.

Raph suddenly started coughing, jerking Leo out of that train of thought.

“Ugh, sorry. Think some blood dribbled down my throat.”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Go see Donnie now and get cleaned up . . . and keep your head tilted down this time.”

“It wasn’t tilted back, but whatever.” Raph muttered as he climbed back to his feet and stomped away like a pouting child. Only to pause right outside of the dojo’s doorway. He looked back at Leo, a quizzical look on his face.

“Hey Leo?”

“Yeah?”

“Before, you know, _this_,” He pointed to his nose. “You. . . didn’t happen to say anything to me, did you?”

Leo blinked confusingly, trying to remember doing anything other than shamelessly fantasizing inappropriate thoughts. He hadn’t accidently blurted something again, had he? He was still incredibly tired from lack of sleep even with the coffee. 

Leo swallowed thickly and slowly shook his head. “Nooo. . . Not that I can recall.”

“Hmm,” Raph stared at the ground for a moment before shrugging and shaking his head. “Never mind then. Probably just my imagination.”

Leo continued to watch the door even long after Raph left in search of medical assistance, a cold heavy feeling weighing in his gut. He sighed and walked back to his chair to resume his exercises. He didn’t need this stress right now.

“Dude, your guy's fights are getting ridiculous! How hard did you have hit Raph this time?” Mikey said suddenly and Leo jumped sky high. 

He glared at the youngest. “I didn’t do that and besides, we haven’t had a fight in ages.”

“Then who did?”

Leo sighed. “It was just a little equipment accident. Nothing exciting. Now go get your nunchucks. Splinter is going to start training as soon as Raph and Don get here.” Leo instructed firmly, leaving no room for Mikey to argue. With a disappointed noise, either from a lack of a good story or the announcement of training, Mikey reluctantly heeded his orders.

Leo just finished his stretches when he heard his fathers voice from behind him say, “Good morning, my son.”

Leo turned to find the old greying rat walking out of his bedroom located at the back of the dojo, his walking stick tucked under one arm as he cinched his saffron dyed monastic robe with a leather sash. Leo fell into a respectful bow, ignoring the intense stabbing pain in his abdomen. 

“Good morning, Master Splinter.”

His father gave a soft smile and nodded his head. “My son, there is no need to force yourself to uphold formal greetings when you are feeling unwell. At least, not in my presence.” 

Leo gave a sharp inhale between his teeth as he straightened. His fathers paw supporting him beneath his forearm. “I appreciate the sentiment, Master, but I see no reason to invite bad habits over an indisposition.”

Splinter gave a wry smile. “I think I am capable of turning a blind eye to a simple ‘hello’ for the sake of your health, Leonardo, but if it makes you feel better, I will ensure that you won’t slack off on your greetings as soon as your capable of bending down without wincing.”

Leo sheepishly laughed, “Thank you, Master.”

Splinter hummed, reaching up to cup his son’s cheek and gently brushing a thumb underneath his eyelid. “You’ve been looking very exhausted lately. Have you been getting sleep?”

Leo, not wanting to worry his father anymore than he already was, gave a casual shrug. “On again, off again. My bed might just be getting lumpy. That thing did come from the dump.”

Splinter frowned unhappily at this answer, returning his hand to his walking stick. “Leonardo, you may be able to fool your brothers, but you will find I am less gullible. This isn’t an endurance test, if something is wrong, I want you to tell someone. Am I understood?” 

Swallowing, Leo nodded regretfully. 

Splinter’s face softened back into concern. “Now, tell me what is troubling you from sleeping well.”

Leo sighed, eyes drifting over to their training equipment that hung on the far wall. “I’ve just been having these vivid flashbacks right before the explosion in my dreams. Don says it’s PTSD and Raph says it’s pent up stress from the past year, but it’s been waking me up at night and I can’t get back to sleep afterwards.”

Splinter nodded thoughtfully, a hand stroking his goatee as he listened. “I see. Perhaps it’s both. Perhaps it is neither. Either way, it sounds to me as if you are feeling guilty.”

Leo blinked at this. “Guilty? Why?”

Splinter smirked. “Knowing you as I do, Leonardo, you tend to take everything that happens as a lesson to be learned. You are trying to figure out what you have done wrong that could have led you and your brothers to this upsetting outcome.”

Leo pondered this explanation, considerably. It was true that Leo did like to shoulder the blame whenever he and his brothers got tangled in bad situation and yes, he’d had nightmares about them before.

“But, Raph’s been having these dreams too.” Leo pointed out.

Splinter shrugged. “Perhaps Raphael is going through a similar circumstance. You know that he considers himself the defender of the team. As your second in command, I’m sure he bares the same amount of responsibility over you as you do over the three of them. After the amount of devastation that explosion caused, I can’t imagine any one of you not feeling as if you’ve had a hand in it.” 

Leo nodded quietly.

“With that, I have decided what we will be doing for today’s training.” 

Leo blinked confusingly at this sudden announcement. “What’s that, Master?”

Splinter walked past Leo and when he turned to follow, he noticed his three siblings standing at the doorway of the dojo, watching curiously. 

“I think today we will benefit more from a mental and spiritual training instead of a physical one.”

Mikey and Raph groaned in disappointment. 

Splinter raised his nose disapprovingly and smacked the end of his walking stick against the tatami mats, creating a loud enough noise to bring his sons to attention. With a calm, controlled hand, he gestured to the floor before him.

“Now, my sons, if you will take a seat, we will begin our lesson in meditation and spiritual enlightenment.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, little Raph and Leo moment! I had much fun with this chapter. Already I have begun leaving little hints behind for the future but I don't know how obvious it is. Feedback is always appreciated. :D


	4. Mother-Henning

“Now, my sons, we need to choose an anchor for your attention. Try using your breath as one. Focus on the way you breathe. Count how many inhales and exhales you’ve taken. Feel the oxygen expand your lungs and deflate as you release it.” Splinter peeked from one eye to scan his four sons, sitting in a lotus position before him, and assuring himself that they were continuing to follow along. Leonardo and Donatello were doing excellent. Their posture was straight, but their muscles relaxed. Raphael looked slightly uncomfortable, but he was making the effort. Michelangelo, however, was peeking back at him, quickly squeezing his eyes shut when he noticed him looking.

Splinter felt his lips twitch in amusement and resumed his lesson after another long moment. “As you focus on your anchor you will let go of all other thoughts. Release your external ideas and connect to the present. Detach yourself from the world because in this moment, nothing else matters.”

Instead of concentrating on his own breathing as he had instructed his sons to do, Splinter focused on their breathing. Listening to the way they slowly but surely fell in sync with each other. Inhaling deeply, holding it for a few seconds, then slowly exhaling as he had taught them. 

He heard Michelangelo shuffle on his spot. He heard Raphael picking at his nails. He heard Donatello licking his lips and Leonardo scratching at his nose.

“Remember, my sons, if you notice your mind wandering away from your anchor, try to recognize what has drawn away your attention. Allow this to help you gain insight into your thought process and observe your emotions without suppression or denial. Once you’ve identified how and why your mind works the way it does, extend kindness and compassion to yourself, rather than criticism. Understand that we are far from perfect and we will always make mistakes from time to time but realize that does not mean you are—”

“Hey, is anyone home?” 

Splinter’s eyes blinked open in surprise by the foreign voice that shouted from beyond the dojo’s walls. He had been focusing so much on his sons that he hadn’t noticed the approach of an intruder. His sons looked equally as disorientated as reality came crashing back to the surface.

“Helllooo? Guys? Are you here?” Another voice shouted. 

“April! Casey!” Mikey shouted, the first to identify their unexpected guests. Jumping up to his feet, he flung open the dojo doors and ran out, arms flailing excitedly. The other three quickly followed, eager smiles on their faces.

Splinter sighed, “I guess our training session has officially been concluded my sons, you are dismissed.” He spoke to the empty dojo as he climbed to his feet and followed to where they fled.

“Raph! Leo! I’m so glad you guys are okay!” April squealed, yanking them both in for a group hug. The two clenched their teeth as they fought a groan of pain, forcing themselves to hug back the red head. 

“We’re glad you are okay too.” Leo said when she finally released them. “After we saw how much damage was done on the news, we were worried you two might have gotten caught in the crossfires. Don said he couldn’t get ahold of you for a while.”

April nodded sadly, her palm rubbing away the tears quickly forming in her eyes before they had the chance to fall. “I’m sorry. Things have just been so crazy lately.”

“Yeah, it’s been chaos with rescue teams trying to find and evacuate survivors at the same time as quarantine the area. People on the outside are going nuts! Especially the ones that had loved ones in the area during that time.” Casey said.

“Casey, wasn’t your apartment in that area?” Raph asked.

Casey nodded, despondent. “Yep, luckily I was at work at the time. Missed by a couple blocks away.” 

“Unfortunately, they’ve been evacuating people three blocks outside of where the explosion hit. Which includes my apartment.” April said, sounding frustrated.

“You guys got a place to stay?” Leo asked.

“We’ve been staying at a hotel on the outskirts of the city but obviously we’re going to have to find somewhere more substantial soon.”

“I was thinking about staying at my family’s farmhouse, the thing should be in pretty decent shape still since the last time we were there. I offered April to come down with me.” Casey said.

“I’ve been considering taking up the offer, but I was hoping to stay somewhere a bit closer. With my new reporters’ job, they were wanting me to keep tabs on the stuff going on here.” April explained. 

“Well, you could stay here. We still have a couple of rooms made up.” Leo offered.

“Oh, because that went _so_ well last time.” April teased.

“My son is right, Ms O’Neil.” Splinter cut in as he walked up to the two humans. “You are family now. Our home will always be open to you if you are in need of it.”

April sniffled emotionally as she bent down to embrace the old rat who was quick to adjust to the sudden move of affection, patting her back comfortingly. 

Leo glanced over to Casey who was standing awkwardly off to the side and smirked amusingly. “And we have room for you too, Casey, if you want it.”

Casey looked startled at the offer, quickly covering it up with a cough. “Uhm, thanks, but you know, I wouldn’t want to intrude or anything. I mean, my boss has to close shop since the garage is located where their evacuating people and the rest of the fam is probably going to move back to Massachusetts for a while, so I don’t exactly have anything quite as prompt as April keeping me here.”

Leo shrugged. “Well, if you don’t want to, we understand. You would probably prefer to stay with your family, right?”

Casey stiffened, rubbing his neck. “Oh, I’m sure they could handle themselves just fine without me and besides, with this mess going on, there’s probably going to be a spike in crime and you guys are going to have your hands full with recovering and all and then hunting down Stockman or whatever. So, you’re probably going to need the extra muscle to, you know, keep things in order until you guys can get back onto the saddle. Which I’m totally happy to do by the way. It’s not a bother, really. I could probably use the distraction anyway.”

Leo gave a knowing smirk and nodded. “Then in that case, I’ll get the guest rooms ready.”

“Oh, no. No. No.” Donnie suddenly appeared in front of Leo just as he was heading towards the staircase. “Mikey and I will get the bedrooms ready, you two will stay down here and keep from trying to break anything else.”

“Oh, come on, Don.” Raph scoffed, loudly. “I told you already, it was an accident.”

Don glared over his shoulder as he dragged a protesting Mikey up the stairs. “To which shouldn’t have happened in the first place if you hadn’t been punching on your bag like I told you _not_ to do.”

“I’m totally on Raph’s side. _He_ should be the one to make the guest beds.” Mikey whined.

“Shut up, Mikey.” Both brothers snapped in unison. 

“I’m not a baby, Don! Stop treating me like one!” Raph shouted, angrily.

“Then stop acting like one!” Don’s voice echoed from the second story. The argument officially ending at the sound of a door slamming shut.

“Well, that was entertaining.” Casey chuckled, breaking the sudden silence of the room. Raph glared at him and punched the older man in the arm before stomping away to the kitchen. Casey whined, rubbing the throbbing in his bicep. “Sheesh, for a turtle that nearly got blown to bits, he still has some strength in him.”

Splinter sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “My apologies for my son’s behavior. I’m afraid it has been a very stressful month for all of us.”

April shrugged, unfazed. “Hey, I’m just glad to know Raph does argue with someone other than Leo.”

Leo snorted. “Believe me, April, it’s weird seeing it from the outside for once.”

. . . 

Raphael sighed tiredly as he opened the refrigerator door and gazed over the meager array of foodstuff they had. It was way past due for them to restock their provisions but with all the excitement going on, they kept delaying the supply run. Thank goodness Don had finally deemed them healed enough to take care of themselves for a few hours. He was running low on Coors light.

Taking a can out of the case, Raph cracked it open and took a swig, enjoying the coolness spreading through his insides. He really needed it. He had been feeling overheated all morning and he blamed Le—

. . . No one. 

He blamed no one, because there was no one to blame but himself. The answer was simple. He just couldn’t control his thoughts. All throughout Splinter’s stupid meditation training he had been thinking about one thing and one thing only and nothing he did made it go away.

He tried ignoring it, but Lord knows that never worked for him before. He tried distracting himself, but that was only a temporary fix. He even indulged in it a little, to see if he could satisfy the hunger enough, but that only made it worse.   
Raph knew what the solution was for this problem he didn’t want to name, but the price was too high for a fix that wasn’t even guaranteed. 

He wanted to get drunk, but he promised both Splinter and Leo that he wouldn’t get that bombed again if he wanted to keep drinking beer.

_Whoops. Wrong choice of word. _

Raph grimaced and set his can aside to look for something to eat. His stomach was complaining more than Mikey does when the pizza place is closed for the holidays. He was kind of in the mood for eggs and bacon but since it was his turn to make breakfast for everyone, he went with toaster waffles and microwavable sausages.

“You’re in a mood today.” Casey said, entering the kitchen. 

Raph ripped open the box of waffles and stuck four in the four-slot toaster as he said sarcastically, “Since when am I _not_ in a mood?”

“Touche.” Casey smirked. He glanced at Raph’s open can of beer and nodded to it. “You got another one of those?”

Raph rolled his eyes heavenwards but said anyway, “Sure, help yourself.”

Casey grinned and retrieved the last remaining can from the fridge, pulling out the empty box and frowning at it. “Hm, looks like you guys are going to need more.”

“Yeah, how about that.” Raph snorted, taking out a plate from the cabinet, opening the box of sausages and placing all of them on it before popping it into the microwave for the appropriate amount of time.

“Dude, are you always gonna be like this? Cause if so, I think I might reconsider Leo’s offer.” Casey grumbled.

Raph sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, trying to reign in his anger. It certainly wasn’t Casey’s fault his life was a chaotic mess. “Sorry, Case. Don’t mean to be an ass. I just had a rough night, ya know?”

Casey’s eyes softened with concern as he pulled up a chair from the dining table and plopped down on it. “You want to tell me about it?”

“Not much to tell.” Raph shrugged. “Just your usual post trauma symptoms.”

Casey leaned forward, intrigued. “So, you’ve been having nightmares?”

Raph’s eyes wandered to the glowing red slots where the waffles were being browned in the toaster. “Something like that. Talked with Don about it last night, he recommended some therapeutic bullcrap to me, but you know. . . you never know till you try, right?”

Casey slowly nodded but he didn’t respond. His eyes focused on reading his reserved friend. Raph shifted uncomfortably and muttered, “Really, Case. I’m fine. Nothing I haven’t already been through before.”

“Exactly. So, it makes me think there might be something else bothering you. Something that’s keeping you up late at night.”

Raph narrowed his eyes at the toaster, willing it to pop up and give him a distraction. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Case.”

“Like hell you don’t.” Casey snorted. “Come on, we both know I’m your best pal. You can tell me anything. I won’t tell a soul.”

“You’re my _only_ pal.” Raph retorted. “And like hell you wouldn’t. You’re a bigger gossip than old ladies at a church picnic.”

“Scouts honor.” Casey vowed, holding up the signature three fingered solute.

“You weren’t even in the boy scouts.” Raph pointed out.

“Was too. For three years.”

Raph raised a disbelieving brow. “Really, the street kid went to boy scouts.”

Casey’s lips pursed. “It was mom’s idea.”

“Let me guess, you skipped scout meetings just as often as you did school.” Raph smirked.

“Did you see the stupid scarves they had to wear? I would’ve gotten beaten up if anyone outside of camp knew I was apart of that.” Casey whined.

Raph snorted. “Yeah, to think. You might of became an upstanding citizen if you stayed.”

Casey glared at him. “Hey, I pay my taxes.”

“Yeah, you’re also a vigilante and last time I checked vigilantism is illegal.” 

“You’re one to talk.”

Raph stared at his friend blankly. “You do realize I’m a giant talking turtle, right? Do you really see me living in the suburban’s with a wife and kids wearing a suit to go to my office job?”

Casey made a face. “What does this have to do with you telling me what the hell is going on with you?”

“It doesn’t. It has everything to do with my inability to tell you because of your blabbing mouth and that your scouts honor doesn’t mean shit.”

Casey sighed heavily and stood up from the chair. “Fine, whatever, Raph. Continue to let your problems fester and grow inside you for all I care.”

“Thanks, I will.” Raph said, indifferently as he turned to the toaster that finally popped out its treasures and placed the steaming, golden waffles onto a separate plate. Then, he refilled the toaster once again.

Casey made a disgusted sound to his mutant friend, grabbing his beer off the table and stomping out of the kitchen. At last, leaving the turtle in peaceful silence. It continued to remain peaceful for several more minutes until, eventually, the guilt caught up with him and Raph slumped dejectedly. 

He honestly hadn’t meant to be so snappish with Casey, afterall, his friend had only been trying to help him._ If only he hadn’t been so nosey._ Raph grumbled as he took out a stack of paper plates from the cabinet and forks from the drawer and set them onto the dining table. If only he hadn’t been so obvious.

Raph shook off the melancholy feeling, thinking he could make it up to Casey somehow. Maybe letting him play on their game console. At least, when Mikey wasn’t hogging it all the time. Or let him choose a movie to watch. Or let him borrow one of his playboy magazines he had collected as a young teen when hormones was a new and exciting experience. Now, it wasn’t so new or nearly as exciting. Playboy magazines no longer cut it anymore and it was irritating him the longer he went without that proper satisfaction. 

Quickly, Raph chugged down the rest of his drink, mourned the last drop, and crushed it into an aluminum ball that he threw into the trash before calling the rest of his family in. 

. . . 

“Here. I wrote down the time and dosage amount for when you need to take your medications next.” Donatello handed a ripped-out piece of paper from his spiral notebook to each of his older brothers. They took it with some reluctance, eyeing it with disdain. “And if either of you feel any nausea or gain a fever, I listed the types of meds you can take. You can find them in the top drawer beside my desk.”

Don pointed to the chicken scratch at the bottom of the page. If you squint hard enough, you might be able to decipher a few letters that belonged to the human alphabet. At this point, if the brothers did need the medications, they were just going to have to go by name length.

“Also, I set reminders on both of your shell cells to go off at the appropriate time, in case you forget and I made sure to update your emergency contacts if, for whatever reason, you can’t get ahold of us.” Don whipped out his own phone and muttered to himself, “Maybe I should give them a call just to make sure they have their phones on them.”

“Enough, Don.” Leo said with exasperation, placing a firm hand on his shoulder to still his fretful brother. “We’ll be fine. You’re only going to be gone for a few hours not a few years.”

“I never thought I’d see the day someone would ‘mother-hen’ more than Leo.” Raph teased.

Don flushed with embarrassment. “Right. You’re right. You two are big boys. You can take care of yourselves.”

Leo smiled. “Exactly. Besides, we should be more worried about you guys. The news has been eating up stories about mutants running around. If any of you get caught, all of New York will hear about it.”

“Which is why we’ll be taking the sewer tunnels for the majority of the trip.”

“They also mentioned radiation leakage in the ground.” Raph pointed out. 

Don’s face grew smug, a look that was associated every time the genius got a few steps ahead of the others. He bent to his duffel bag that sat beside his feet and pulled out a box like object with a black tube that was connected by a coiled cord like you found on those old landline phones. On the face of the box itself was a readout monitor. The needle, thankfully, at one although it could just be off.

“You made a geiger counter?” Leo said, sounding amazed. 

“Been working on this bad boy shortly after I made the dosimeter.” Don patted the machine with satisfaction.

“Have you tested it out?”

In response, Don flipped on the switch, a soft clicking sound coming from the speakers and the needle twitching ever so slightly. Everyone, including Mikey, April, and Casey who were waiting at the other end of the room, watched tensely as if they expected the needle to start spinning around like crazy. Luckily, nothing like that happened.

Don turned it off a moment later. “See? Perfectly safe and it should help us find the best route to take.”

“Another marvelous example of your engineering capabilities, Donatello.” Master Splinter commended, proudly.

“Thank you, Father.” Don rubbed the back of his neck, his cocky grin morphing into bashfulness that had his three brothers rolling their eyes. 

“As Leonardo said, my son, I’m certain everything will be fine. I have faith that you will be quick and efficient in retrieving what we need.” 

Don nodded, placing the Geiger counter back into the bag and swung the strap on his shoulders. He turned to leave but froze just before crossing the turnstiles that guarded the entrance to their home. 

“You know, maybe I should go over your guys dosages one more time since Splinter is here.”

“Just go!” All three mutants shouted, exasperated.

Don glowered. “Fine. I’m going. I’m going.”

As Donatello finally left with the others, the three remaining family members stood in the center of the living room, staring at the dark entryway several awkward moments after they had gone.

“Sooo. . .” Raph trailed off, breaking the silence. When it was clear no one else was going to pick up what he had started, he said, “What now?”

“I don’t know about the two of you, but I’m going to finish watching my stories. It was just getting good. I will be in my room if you need me.” Splinter said as he disappeared past the shōji doors.

Raph quirked a curious brow at his older brother. Leo shrugged, “I might go to my room and finish reading the book I was on.”

Raph’s head dropped back on his shoulders and he sighed heavily upwards with irritation. Leo regarded him quizzically. “. . . Uuunless you have something else in mind?”

Raph lifted his head and smiled. “Actually, I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the meditation didn't go as expected, BUT at least we have April and Casey on the scene now! Maybe they'll try again next time with better luck, and maybe rice paper doors for the dojo weren't the best choice. LOL!
> 
> Also, still am not sure where all of this is leading to at the moment. I've just been kind of letting the characters write themselves and allow the chips to fall where they may.


End file.
